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I would not say I am an overtly religious person. Call it a by-product of being a by-product of 22 years of secular education – I could list down for you all the mysteries of the rosary in my sleep, but make me recite it in front of my family for All Saints’ Day, and you’ll see me slowly moving towards the back, trying to conceal myself. Perhaps it is the idea that we did not know how we wanted to learn about the Word of God, or didn’t feel engaged in a manner that felt like we were involved, or that what someone wrote thousands of years ago in the Bible was at all relevant to today. Whatever it was, I was allergic to the practice. Don’t get me wrong, I did not go denouncing my faith. I simply didn’t want to hear it articulated to me. At least not in every day conversation. What could it give me that I did not already know?

Sometime in college, my best friend convinced me to attend a worship service with her. It was a Christian gathering with no priest, just a preacher who read Bible verses and discussed them with the plenary. It was engaging and interesting, like being in a talk show or a really good class. It also helped that the music was lively, the band was great, and the songs were really meaningful. Everyone in the congregation seemed to be so in love with their God. They spoke about gratitude and about surrendering their challenges to God, trusting Him to guide them down the right path. They praised and sang songs about His greatness and how they were touched by Him, and in turn I was truly touched as well. I wondered, why can’t we have this in the Catholic Church? Are we simply too obsessed with our traditions to think about these things?

I began to care less and less about Catholic traditions and started to believe that faith could be a personal relationship, without the need for an arbiter between you and your God. I heard mass with my families on special occasions, but I wasn’t convinced by the tradition at all… until in November of 2013, Typhoon Haiyan hit Tacloban.

Alright, I know. I’m not from Tacloban. I don’t even know half of what people had to go through as they held on for dear life throughout the raging storm. But I had friends who knew friends who lost their homes, their families’ livelihood, all their belongings, and their loved ones. My friends, who are alumni of the NYK-TDG Maritime Academy, and I decided to organize a group to sing carols in time for the Christmas season to the different member companies in our organization to raise funds to donate to the victims of Typhoon Haiyan. We gathered a group of 15 newly graduated alumni, practiced 3 sets of carols, and took a guitar, beatbox, and large amounts of courage with us to face the employees of the member companies of the Transnational Diversified Group and sing. We earned around PHP 200,000. As we were counting the money we earned, I was speaking with one of the carolers as I heard him mumble, “Nakaka-touch na mapupunta ‘to sa ‘min (It’s touching that this money will go to our place.)”. I asked him if he was from Tacloban. He said he was. I asked him why he would join the caroling if he knew the money was going to benefit him and the other alumni affected by the typhoon anyway. He said, “Ang Pasko, Pangs (my nickname), para sa pagbibigay sa mga nahihirapan. Maswerte ako na andito ako. Ito na pasasalamat ko. (Pangs, Christmas is for giving to those who are having a harder time. I am lucky that I am here now. This is my offering of thanks.)” He invited me and the rest of the carolers to Simbang Gabi in San Agustin Church. We had to attend mass at 4 in the morning for it to actually be Simbang Gabi, but we didn’t mind. It was a cool idea to be going to Church so early in the morning, but also, it was an even more enriching experience knowing we were going to give thanks.

I ended up completing Simbang Gabi that year, even though each night I had less and less companions. And I also ended up completing Simbang Gabi every year after that. I always knew I was overflowing with gratitude for all the blessings I received each year, especially during the Christmas season, but it was only now that I had found a time and a place that I felt closer than ever to God, outside of the daily personal relationship I maintained with Him, still believing that I didn’t need all the other Catholic traditions that littered my religion.

The year 2016 was an especially difficult year for me. I had poor relationships with other people; I felt insecure; I fought often with my friends; and, I disliked where I was in my career. Embarrassingly, I did not complete Simbang Gabi last year. It had become an annual tradition for me to do so since 2013 that I felt guilty for not giving thanks, because despite the difficult year, I was sure there was still much for me to be thankful for.

I shared this with my best friend, the same one who brought me to that Christian worship event. This time, she pointed me in the direction of the Philippine International Convention Center (PICC). At first, I didn’t believe her. A Catholic Church service? In the place where I had my college graduation? It seems a bit sketchy. Or perhaps one of those mega-Churches I saw in a documentary somewhere about extremism. She told me to just go. So, I did. I was a bit embarrassed, so I went alone.

Lo and behold! It was indeed a Catholic mass in the middle of the bustling metropolis that is the Bay Area. The Feast, as it was called, is a Catholic mass and gathering led by the Light of Jesus Family, founded by Bo Sanchez. But it was so different from any Catholic gathering I have ever attended. The venue was so unlike a regular church, with the world-class facilities of the PICC in full use. The readers were solemn, clear, and articulate, and the priests were engaging, inspirational, and even at times, funny. That upped the standard for Catholic masses for me. But, it was what happened after mass that made me fall in love with my Catholic faith again. Like the Christian gathering I first visited, the second part of the Feast was worship. We would have a Feast builder, a lay minister, talk about a Bible verse in relation to a topic being discussed as part of a 3-weekend series. We would all together reflect on this verse, and hear about other lessons that can be drawn from the Bible and from other Catholic or non-sectarian literature relating to this. The Feast builders made the effort to relate each and every discussion to our regular lives. And most importantly, the music… ah! The music was just so beautiful it made me cry each time. We sang about the greatness of God, how all of creation was made by Him and praised Him in return, how even in the stillness we could feel His presence, and even in the darkness He was there. We talked about letting go of the past and looking forward to a future with Him. We talked about abuse and addiction and apathy, all things I have struggled with in the past. And it was there that all of 2016, all of the past years, and all of the doubts finally washed away. I finally found a place I could unabashedly thank Him for everything He has given me.

The Feast’s catchphrase is that it is the happiest place on earth, and for some reason, when I come, everybody seems to believe the same. At the exchange of the sign of peace, I’ve had people, strangers hug me. When the Feast builders say, “give the person beside you your best smile,” I’ve had those same strangers smile at me brightly. Everybody is just absolutely grateful to be there. It was the perfect place to start a new relationship with my Catholic faith.

Throughout my journey in the Feast, I realized that my struggle with my Catholic faith was not because it was boring, but because I did not find a reason to go in the first place. In fact, it isn’t even about the Feast, or Simbang Gabi for me. Today, I feel closer than ever to my faith because every day, I see the good and the beautiful, and I am thankful for it. The affinity one has for his faith is born, not out of traditions or location. It is born out of a love and a sense of responsibility towards the blessings he has been afforded, and an overwhelming urge to give thanks.

Here is my favorite Feast Worship song. Warning: It can trigger tears. This is called “Never Fail”.